Butterflies and Dragonflies United

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    Kalan from MPA

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    Caelan
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    Posts : 5
    Join date : 2015-12-30

    Kalan from MPA

    Post by Caelan on Wed 30 Dec - 16:37

    Hi! I'm Kalan from MPA.  Smile

    The username Kalan was taken in this forum and I don't remember it being me registering it, at least I couldn't recover the password with any of my emails.  confused

    So I'm using a different spelling.

    I was never diagnosed an ED, I was diagnosed depression (different types by different doctors) and a personality disorder. I wasn't told which personality disorder specifically, but I suspect BPD. At the time I already had disordered eating behaviour, but I didn't suspect an ED, as I mostly binged. I think the disordered eating slowly crept in from bingeing alternating with dieting until this past year when the dieting has gone more extreme (I did a commercial VLCD for 5 weeks which led to a massive binge) and I also started fasting and purging. 

    Perhaps I would be diagnosed EDNOS or Bulimia. I have stages where I can restrict, fast and exercise (I mostly walk for hours) to compensate the bingeing, but I'm not good at keeping it up. I also don't seem to ever lose weight, I lose but then I gain, I always go back to the same weight all the time, always borderline overweight which I hate. I can only stop myself from gaining more.

    I do not seek a formal ED diagnosis. I don't trust psychiatry because I think they do not understand the human mind as well as they claim. They also coerce people which I believe is wrong. I don't want to be hospitalized, medicated or fed against my will.

    This forum seems more "me" right now than MPA. It's not that I want to become very ill but I want to be free to by myself as I am and to ask for tips.

    I obsess with becoming thin, which I never was, mostly with having thin thighs. I want to be 41 Kg when I become 41 years old. I want help to achieve this goal.

    I binge and I'm getting addicted to purging and I would like to learn to restrict instead.
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    Caelan
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    Posts : 5
    Join date : 2015-12-30

    Re: Kalan from MPA

    Post by Caelan on Wed 30 Dec - 18:29

    Why is this website dead? I was full of hope. Sad

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